My Story (part 1) -a 500 words post
It doesn’t take much for me to get overwhelmed. I used to think that I was the do all, be all. I equated the adrenalin spikes to be a sign that I was on.point.
If I was not stressed and a manic ball of nerves I was not living to my potential. I was a DO-er. Not a BE-er.
I never considered the way I felt and my lifestyle was detrimental even when my weight skyrocketed.
When I was pregnant with my son (who is now 20)-I gained 40 pounds. The doctor wasn’t happy but my justification was “happy pregnant lady”. I lost it all and more as soon as I could. I managed my weight, but not my stress levels from the day he was born until he was 12. I did it by smoking like a chimney.
I started smoking when I was 18. It helped calm my nerves and gave me focus that I needed to get things done. I loved smoking, the ritual and the emotional benefit. But, I knew the emotional benefit was far outweighed by the health dangers.
I decided to quit Christmas night 2006. I was going out of town for a week so I wouldn’t be at my usual haunts. On vacation, no stress. And it worked.
I gained 57 pounds over the next 2 years.
I started going to the gym-working out like a fiend and not seeing ANY result. My hair was falling out. I was bloated and miserable. I had a burning rash on my face.
I had a doctor that said “You aren’t working hard enough”. He said that my rash was rosacea. He wasn’t much help, he thought all “fat people” were lazy. He refused to do blood tests to see if there was a problem.
Finally my gynecologist did the bloodwork I requested and discovered; I developed PCOS (poly-cystic ovary syndrome). At the time I was like “woo-hoo” infertility! I was 38 years old. A bouncing baby- NOT on the agenda. It took me a while longer to realize that it wasn’t just about “not having kids”.
PCOS and traditional cardio work outs are not compatible. The harder I worked, the more fat I was producing. My hormones and my brain were getting signals all twisted.
I tried really hard in 2007 to lose weight, I was getting married. I did not want to be this big ole ball of fat in all my pictures. I lost 18 pounds and made myself crazy in the process. I didn’t know how to deal with the stress in my life.
I was beating myself up daily. I could quit smoking. People say that is the hardest thing to do on earth-so why couldn’t I quit eating?
My precious husband told me that he would rather me be “fat and happy” at our wedding than an emotional nut job. I gained all 18 pounds back in about 3 months.
At my wedding in October of 2007. I weighed 211 pounds.